LIFE'S A PEARL

Mr. O turns one this week!

When I look back on life a year ago, I just can’t believe it! It feels so much longer than a year but at the same time it seems like time is flying. Mr. O changes so quickly – growing and discovering new things constantly!

As we celebrate his first birthday (and some inquire when we are having a second), I find myself reflecting on his birth.

Our birth story has the best outcome – ultimately a healthy mama and baby. But it was quite the shit show with numerous issues and complications. Our experience is something I hope no parents have to deal with.

I think it’s important to share all types of birth stories so that parents-to-be are aware of different labor/delivery options and the common interventions that can become necessary.

While I was pregnant, I was taking in all kinds of information on childbirth. Some of it turned out to be really unhelpful. When I look back over the past year, I can’t believe some of the worries I let myself take on before having Mr. O. For instance I believed the narrative that having a c-section birth would make breastfeeding so much harder and potentially ruin that bond.

I’ve been looking back on notes I wrote to myself while we were still in the hospital and there were a few things that I felt were very important to share.

 

Messages I hope potential parents take from this post:

• Go into labor with a flexible plan. Hope for the best but be prepared for necessary changes. Mother Nature rarely follows our plans.
• Research what scares you and your least preferred delivery options. Information and education are powerful!
• It’s ok to be overwhelmed by the experience. It’s ok not to feel an immediate link to your baby.
• Even if you don’t have your ideal birth experience, it’s ok. Things can come up when you’re having a baby that are out of your control. If things go haywire it doesn’t mean your relationship with your baby is ruined or going to be harder.

 

Our Pregnancy

Some quick backstory on our pregnancy. It was a planned one and we were lucky to get pregnant right away.

The first trimester was a great experience for me. I never really had morning sickness. I was super hungry especially craving protein and I was incredibly tired – falling asleep on the couch at 7 some nights.

After that we experienced some things that none of our friends or family had dealt with before.

 

CVS

Due to my family history we were referred to a specialist for a genetic testing consultation and ultrasound. We were set to forego testing but our ultrasound showed something concerning – a larger than normal NT measurement.

It was recommended that I undergo a CVS right then and we were told our baby had a one in three chance of having a chromosomal disorder. That was a huge shock. Long story short, after many weeks of waiting and worrying, everything came back normal and we found out early we were having a boy.

In addition to my OB, I was required to see a maternal fetal medicine specialist for the rest of my pregnancy. It was a lot of stress and doctor appointments.

 

Gestational Diabetes

At the end of my second trimester I developed gestational diabetes. That forced me to get over my fear of blood and needles for my last trimester since I had to check my blood sugar 5-6 times a day. I was diet controlled.

The entire GD program is another one of mixed messages. The class switched back and forth between it’s not your fault to you’ve doomed yourself and your baby to health issues for life. Again not helpful to expecting parents.

 

Breech Position

Finally Mr. O was happy to stay in a transverse position for most of the pregnancy – which we knew thanks the many ultrasounds at the specialist.

I prepared myself for a caesarean rather than the natural birth experience I’d hoped for. At 38 weeks our OB scheduled surgery. At our pre op appointment we found out he had flipped head down at 39 weeks and canceled the surgery with my OB saying I’ll see you next week to go over things, no way you’ll go into labor before then.

But I did.

 

Our Birth Experience

The Weekend

I went into labor that weekend. My contractions started Saturday morning. I called the hospital by the afternoon to see when they wanted us to head down since we hadn’t discussed that yet with my doctor. The 511 rule applied here.

Unfortunately my contractions never got to 511 for an entire hour. They also never stopped like you’d expect for Braxton Hicks or prodromal labor.

I walked up and down our property and road for nearly 2 days trying to get things moving! I wasn’t able to sleep because the contractions never went longer than 10 minutes apart. It was awful and by Monday morning we went to the hospital anyway because I was concerned about what all this was doing to my baby.

 

Monday

We knew Mr. O would be arriving in the midst of another wave of COVID with the hospitals locking back down. We made sure my husband was vaccinated so he could definitely be there with me.

That morning we found out they don’t allow your support person to be with you until they officially admit you. It took over 8 hours to do this even though they were concerned about the decelerations they were seeing in Mr. O.

I had to be lying down strapped to a monitor the whole time (the most painful laboring position in my opinion). Mr. O and I also had to undergo an ultrasound test due to the decelerations they were seeing. During that the tech couldn’t tell me anything besides he wasn’t seeing all the signs that they like to see. I had a complete breakdown on the gurney for that one.

Even after my doctor’s admittance request, it took forever for them to process it. The whole time I was  hearing how there’s only one bed left!

Finally by late afternoon we were together again in a hospital room. My husband had terrible cell service in the waiting area so the whole thing was awful on his side as well.

For a few hours, I had the most amazing nurse. She got us settled and I was able to sit on the birthing ball at least even though I couldn’t walk around. My OB came and broke my water hoping to speed things up.

Eventually I had to be back in bed with a monitor that went inside me because that was the only way they could pick up the contractions and monitor Mr. O.

By Monday night I had a different nurse, I was exhausted and discouraged by only being dilated to a 5. I got an epidural and I got as much rest as I could for the night. The nurses had to tell me to switch my position often because they didn’t like Mr. O’s readings.

 

Tuesday

The next morning I started feeling more pain but was under the impression that meant my contractions were getting stronger.

No. The epidural had slipped.

Unfortunately this was the day that we had our worst nurse. She was very scattered and rough, yanking on all kinds of things. To this day my husband swears she lied to our doctor – but I was in so much pain I have no idea.

After having made the decision to get the epidural, I was completely unprepared to be in that much pain again. Our nurse didn’t take my pain seriously until I let myself cry. She then got an anesthesiologist to come look at why I was in pain. It took several hours to figure everything out. They redid the epidural and my catheter was messed up as well so I got a new one of those too – lucky me!

By the afternoon, I had dilated to a 7 but we were running out of time. There’s a 24 hr clock from when your water breaks or is broken to when they want the baby out. We prepared for c-section after all (the day after our scheduled one would have been). Our joke was that Mr. O just wanted to choose his own birthday.

 

Surgery

When my OB arrived she checked me again and tried to get me to push but said my body was just too exhausted so we went in for the c-section.

A year later things are a little foggy.

I remember a blue curtain being directly over my face and my husband trying to lift it off me. At that point I was struggling to swallow. They said that happens sometimes but my vitals were fine.

I focused on staying calm. When it got worse, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Eventually I was scared I wouldn’t be able to talk soon so I said again that it was hard to breathe.

It’s a bit of a blur here too. They were testing if I could feel things on my arms and shoulders – I couldn’t. I was told they’d be putting me under which at that point couldn’t come soon enough.

They were removing my husband by then – he saw a glimpse of Mr. O before leaving the room.

At that point I felt like I could not breathe at all and kept waiting to pass out. I was literally trying to explain to myself that I must be ok because I was still conscious.

It felt like it took forever for them to put me under. I heard Mr. O cry three times and then was out.

 

After

When I woke back up, I was still panicking. Thanks to the tube they put down my throat, I still felt like I couldn’t swallow. I think the high spinal was still wearing off so it continued to feel difficult to breathe. They told me my baby was fine.

I was taken to a room just outside the OR with my husband and baby. I was seriously shook, completely out of it, and still feeling like I couldn’t breathe. The wonderful student interning that day gave me something with peppermint to help soothe my throat.

My husband described our baby to me and asked if I wanted to see him. I didn’t want to. How I felt was beyond miserable. I was trying so hard to feel ok again. I wanted to feel like myself to meet this little person we had spent nearly 10 months imagining.

Eventually I did hold him because we were out of time and the nurse needed me to feed him. He nursed for at least 40 minutes doing skin to skin while I tried to be ok.

From my notes, I know that for me it wasn’t until 36 hours passed after his birth that everything came together. Something clicked and I could literally feel my heart expanding with love for my baby. My husband told me he was relieved to have his wife back.

I remember we had snacks from a vending machine that night and all cuddled up together in my hospital bed to watch a movie. I still had no clue what I was doing as a new mom but we felt like a family for the first time.

 

To Reiterate:

Your timeline doesn’t have to look like mine. Some people will feel it instantly or earlier. Some people will feel it much later. It’s just important to know that it’s ok to feel however you feel for as long as you need to.

I was unconscious for the first two hours of my son’s life. In the craziness, my husband didn’t get to do skin to skin with him either as would have been our preference. We all turned out ok and we all still bonded.

While not the ideal birth experience, it didn’t screw up breastfeeding either. Almost a year later, he’s still nursing.

 

Books that actually cover C-sections:

The Essential C-Section Guide by Maureen Connolly 

This book contains some outdated information about different surgical incisions that according to my OB they no longer do. But it’s pretty much the only guide I could find and while I hoped to never experience the complications it covers, I’m sure glad I had that information in my head when the high spinal happened.

My Caesarean: Twenty-One Mothers on the C-Section Experience and After

Many of these birth stories are difficult to read with few positive caesarean experiences but it’s an important book to fight the stigma around c-sections and to call for better practices in hospitals.

Here are two favorite quotes from My Caesarean:

“I wouldn’t gamble his health for my birth experience.”

“My midwife said, ‘A necessary caesarean is an act of love on the part of a mother. You shouldn’t feel like a failure, you should feel like an Amazon.’”

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

As a first time mom who knew nothing about breastfeeding and really wanted it to work out, this book was so helpful. Obviously it is pro breastfeeding but I didn’t find it to be condescending or judgmental. It’s all about offering information, support, and resources to moms. There are also helpful suggestions for establishing a good milk supply and tips for c-section moms like comfortable positions to try.

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Are you a parent? What was your birth experience? What resources do you recommend for parents-to-be?